WHAT I MISS?

So what’s the deal with airline food? Cue roar of laughter from roar-of-laughter machine It was either that or an exaggerated dramatic entrance – I come in arm wrestling president Putin…on a bear…with the ghost of Jimmy Hendrix playing a guitar solo…on a guitar made from the cry of a thousand hungry babies…that grow up to be accountants…that hate their job’s and secretly use company Wi-Fi to download porn…whose main character is into recycling.

Here’s a random a random list of things that are good about the world – someone somewhere is having medical marijuana and not for his alleged back pain. The fact that among the many gifts God bestowed upon us, here, the greatest gift of all, the ability to fart in stealth mode in a lift, incase those shawarmas are not sitting well. Also the new fatality moves featured in MK. Ladies and gentlemen, excuse my Russian (just go with it) I believe on top of that list should be the fact that…(cue roman war drums) I HAVE RETURNED. After what seemed to be an eternity, I finally figured out a way out of Larry Madowo’s ‘kisogo’. Technically it was the Mathew McConaughey and his team of scientists who found me during their interstellar travels. The gravity up there was fucked up but we figured out a loophole in the space time continuum and after recalibrating the blah blah blah insert made up scientific terms here, a little fairy dust here, a few bong hits there and bam! Here we are.

Seriously, you guys didn't see that?

I had a picture of you, my dear readers, hanging up on the cave walls where I spent my nights, pondering on world peace and global warming, and helping Tupac release albums posthumously. You guys kept me strong as I hoped that one day (unless Larry went to the barber) I would return in pomp and glory, arm wrestling president Putin…on a bear…with the ghost of Jimmy Hendrix playing a guitar solo…on a guitar made from the cry of a thousand hungry babies…that grow up to be accountants…that hate their job’s and secretly use company Wi-Fi to download porn…whose main character is into recycling. But I digress, what IS the deal with airline food.